“This is one staring contest your gonna lose dumb ass.” Dick Figures is so awesome. I wanna learn that head exploding trick so bad. I’m trying…but man it hurts. But can’t right now, I want some chow mien so bad. “I’m like, stupid hungry!”
“Anyone can be killed” Ah man those words send massive shivers down my spine. Finally I can stop crying myself to sleep waiting for the return of the best TV show; EVER. Based on the wickedly awesome novels form the “A Song of Fire and Ice” series by George R. R. Martin season two is coming April 1st (which really scares me because if that’s a joke… well I’ll be sad.) The series follows a boat load of intriguing characters as the land of Westero has an all-out war for the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms. Lased with political drama and a deep, rich story it’s not your typical hack and slash fantasy world (although there are some disturbingly violent moments, more on that later). What intrigues me most is that, while to us the main characters are awesome and heroic in their own way, they aren’t the typical “hero” of a fantasy story. Characters like Tyrion Lannester, described as a grotesque “halfman”, Arya Stark; a ten year old little girl forced to fight and kill for survival, and Jon Snow, the bastard son of a high lord. To me they are well crafted, amazing characters, but in their world they are looked down on by many. After reading book two in the series, I can’t wait to see it all played out before me. Because this show is on HBO it never shies away from the racier or more violent moments. Beheadings, armies clashing, a tongue being ripped out by a man’s throat, and men being eaten by giant wolfs was the tip of the Ice berg in season one, and that covered just one book of five. The books are enchanting, the show is a visual brain hemorrhage, and I can’t wait for that hospital bill.
Allow me, if you will to describe myself after finishing Swamp Think #7. Both of my feet are planted firmly on the floor as I’m sitting in my room. Issue seven is on my lap slowly slipping out of my hands. I’m sitting up straight, back parallel with the chair. There’s a blank, almost confused expression on my face… and a hole in my head. And my brains splashed across the wall in a pretty impressive fashion for a guy who wasn’t even trying. That’s right; Issues 7 of Swamp Thing has literally blown my mind. It’s not every day that every word, ever image, and every thought left over from a comic is dripping in this much “holy shit that was awesome.” Swamp Thing is the story of Alec Holland, a chosen warrior of “The Green” which you could imagine as what hippies see when they are stoned out of their mind. Big philosophical talking trees, who like to meddle in normal people’s lives. However Alec has refused to be pushed around by some rude demanding trees. Which in theory sounds tough, but has actually given The Green’s sworn enemy “The Rot” the upper hand it’s been hoping for. Try to imagine The Rot as the most amazingly Effed up Death Metal album covers you can imagine, and you’re maybe one third the way there. This issue opens with Alec literally being hacked to pieces by agents of The Rot only to be saved by the dying Green, just so they can see him suffer a bit more. As he slowly dies he begs, pleads and demands to be given the chance to fight back. And not for The Green’s sack mind you; he’s fighting for the woman he loves, who has been forced into The Rots service. Three parts badass, four parts luck and Alec is granted his request, turning into the terrifying hulking monster simply known as Swamp Thing. A flick of the wrist and his would be killers die, as he sets out to kill some more already dead people. This was a completely captivating issue, which leaves some major expectations for next month. And really if you didn’t think all that sounded awesome, there is something wrong with you; go see a doctor.
Mass Effect 3 review (hint: ITS FIRCKING AWESOME) WOW. This is all I could say after loading Mass Effect 3 into my Xbox’s Disc drive. Just one hour into this game and I have been completely floored. As a diehard lover of the Mass effect 1 and 2 games, my hope and dread of playing the third and final installment to this epic franchise couldn’t have been higher. And right off the bat my prayers have been answered. Picking up were the last game left of you assume the role and great responsibility of the protagonist Commander Shepard. The basic plot of Mass Effect is Shepard’s quest to save all the known races of the galaxy form an army of giant sentient machines known as The Reapers. The prior two games follow Shepard’s desperate attempts to stall or stop the Reaper invasion so the opening of 3 is quite bitter sweet. Not moments form loading, Earth is invaded by countless Reapers. All I can do is watch and run as the home I spent the last 6 years trying to protect (yeah I really like this game) is utterly decimated by shear brutal force. My quick and narrow escape has set me on a path to unite the remaining civilizations, armies and races of the galaxy to fight a common enemy, despite eons of infighting and political turmoil. I can’t wait to kick Reaper ass now. Every aspect of the game had my utmost attention, form the beautiful landscapes, to the amazingly written dialogue, down to the piercing lighting (it was 4 in the morning and it was really bright sometimes). The combat is greatly improved form the last game, becoming fast and deadly versus clunky and slow. Enemy’s feel real as you put rounds into them, and the visual aspects of a fight alone are enough to love. So I can say after one hour of game play, I’m in love. I just hope to God the ending can live up to the hype.
On August 6 2010 word reached the ears of millions around the world that Justin Bieber….was no more. The talented Canadian pop star was a shining light to all who saw him and loved him. He leaves behind scores of adoring young fan girls and middle aged men… and right before the release of his new single alongside the death metal band Slipknot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspPE9E1yGM A sad day indeed…..